I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
