someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
