The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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