apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
