I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
