Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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