She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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