just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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