I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
