If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
