i don't like sucking hair
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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