I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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