$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
