i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize