You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's shark week go big or go home
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize