"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
