My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
