There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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