On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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