So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
