there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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