"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
