I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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