So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize