; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize