Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
