i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
