dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
