If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
