He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
