is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
