You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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