the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Randomize
