Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
