Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
