he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
