whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
