I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
