and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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