Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
