nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
