He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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