This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
