im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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