I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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