You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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