apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
