Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize