my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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