My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
