It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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