DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
