She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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