sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
