I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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