im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
