After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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