I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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