respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
