"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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