Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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