It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize