What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
