Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am one with the molecules
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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