I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
