Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize