I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
